<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>To Have Loved and Lost by Short_Circuits</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25681270">To Have Loved and Lost</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Short_Circuits/pseuds/Short_Circuits'>Short_Circuits</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hermitcraft RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Death, Grief, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, like that's the main theme</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:48:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>855</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25681270</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Short_Circuits/pseuds/Short_Circuits</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I told you I’d never, ever leave you. Even once I was gone, I would find a way to come back to you. I will always be with you, okay?”</p><p>*</p><p>I had an idea for a cute angsty fic, but it ended up a lot less "cute" than I originally envisioned. Oops.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cub/Scar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Have Loved and Lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He twisted the ring on his finger, back and forth, back and forth. The edges dug into his skin, making him wince, but he didn’t mind the pain. In fact, he wanted it, craved it. It helped keep him grounded.</p><p>It helped keep him grounded in a reality that was crashing down around him. Even as he slid down the wall, his head falling into his lap as tears streaked his cheeks, he couldn’t stop the simple motion of twisting the ring. </p><p>Back and forth, back and forth.</p><p>He’d always known that his husband was sick. He would always be sick. But it didn’t matter. He’d loved him anyway. They’d dated for years, even gotten married 8 months prior. They’d been happy. He didn’t care that his husband couldn’t go for long walks, or help lift things. It had just been a part of their life together. </p><p>He’d also known it would get worse, one day. It would always be getting worse. And at first it hadn’t been noticeable. Until it had been. Eventually, one day, his husband lost the ability to walk. And then he’d needed tubes to help him breathe. </p><p>It hadn’t mattered to him. He would always love his husband with his warm smile, his goofy laugh, and his limitless imagination. But the doctors had been worried. His husband should have had a few more years before his state began to deteriorate at the rate it was.</p><p>At the time, he’d brushed that off. The few years didn’t matter to him, so long as he had his husband. And they had been happy together, they’d <em>tried</em> to be happy together. But it was hard once his husband could barely sleep at night, when he’d seize up and lose control for a few minutes, although each time felt like hours. And at last, when he’d been hospitalized. </p><p>He remembered the last couple days, how weak the love of his life had been, how the doctors had forced him to go home each night only to return at the crack of dawn to see that smile once again. And at the end he knew the smile was forced, forced for him. To stop him from seeing how hard it was. They’d both tried to be strong. But in the end, it hadn’t mattered.</p><p>His husband, his sunshine, his true love, had died. </p><p>And so there Cub sat, curled up against the wall just inside the entrance to their house, their last conversation replaying over and over again in his head.</p><p>
  <em> “Cub… you know I love you right?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Of course, love. I always have. I always will.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Do you remember the day we got married? The promise I made to you as I put the ring on your finger?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He nodded.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I told you I’d never, ever leave you. Even once I was gone, I would find a way to come back to you. I will always be with you, okay?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And Cub had nodded again, not trusting his voice as he cried, squeezing his husband’s hand. He’d felt the moment the last drops of life seeped out of him, as the hand in his grasp went limp. And he’d whispered one more thing to his love, although he couldn’t hear Cub now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I love you, Scar.”</em>
</p><p>And then he’d walked out of the room, unable to look back. And once he was outside he’d begun to run, unable to stop or slow down until he was standing inside their house, where he’d collapsed against a wall, sliding to the ground.</p><p>He knew he had to get up at some point. He knew he couldn’t cry forever. And so with the last remaining bit of strength he had left, he’d pulled himself up, stumbling into their bedroom. He only had thought to pull off his shoes before falling onto the bed, fully clothed and all too aware of the empty space beside him, but utterly exhausted from the day’s events.</p><p>*</p><p>The next morning came all too soon, sunlight shining harshly through the window, his head throbbing. He hadn’t dreamt at all, but he could feel freshly dried tears on his cheeks. He’d laid, unmoving, for who knows how long, until at last he’d gotten up, only to find himself across the room in front of the full length mirror. </p><p>He was tired. It took him a solid 10 seconds to notice what was wrong with the image he saw in the mirror. He wasn’t alone in it. Behind him stood Scar, looking healthier than Cub had ever known him to look. But that same smile was still there. The one that was full of love and mischief, the one Scar had always worn when they’d been together.</p><p>Maybe he was going crazy. Scar never existed anywhere besides that mirror. But he believed it. He’d sit on the floor and Scar would sit too, always just behind him in the reflection, and he’d talk, telling Scar about his day, sometimes pausing to just look into Scar’s eyes. He could live happily like that, knowing he wasn’t alone.</p><p>And knowing one day he’d truly rejoin Scar forever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:)</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>